For Your Entertainment

Dear Family and Friends,

Ugh, I wrote 3 papers today…it was supposed to be 4 but I ran out of time, sanity, and discipline. To reward my hard work I’m going to watch the KU basketball game.

Alright so Aurelia and I have been contemplating our love lives (or lack of) because everyone around us seems to be engaged or married. We have concluded that we are picky people and may have very high standards. I’m pretty sure I’m non committal as well. So in celebration of this…because I think we are now at the point of embracing this fact….I will have a weekly dating story of college proportion until Valentines Week!

So prepare yourself for the horror or the humor of my experiences. This is rated “E” for embarrassing. You might even read some of the following phrases that happened while on dates:

1) “What do you think of mustaches? [….] It could make our first kiss so magical.”
2) “You should meet my brother. I think you two would really hit it off.”
3) “What would you think of me trimming off all of my body hair?”

READERS YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHICH STORIES YOU WANT TO HEAR FIRST AND WHICH ONE YOU WANT TO BE THE BIG VALENTINES DAY FINALE!

Disclaimer: While reading my posts in the following weeks you may experience chills down the spine and lack of oxygen due to laughter. Possible jaw pains might occur and to prevent injury I suggest that you close your gaping mouth because yes, the following posts really did happen.
Apparently I can’t be trusted to choose my own dates anymore….it never seems to end well so I might have to start handing out applications. This will make the “weeding” out process MUCH easier, but then I wouldn’t have these funny stories to share! My father will probably cringe at the stories to come.

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unlessaccompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_________________________DATE OF BIRTH__________
HEIGHT___ WEIGHT_______ IQ__________ GPA___________
SOCIAL SECURITY #_________DRIVERS LICENSE #___________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________
HOME ADDRESS_________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___NoIs one male and the other female? ___Yes ___NoIf No, explain:______________________________________________
Number of years they have been married ___________________
If less than your age, explain__________________________________________________
ACCESSORIES SECTION:
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __Nopierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?
(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATIONAND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
ESSAY SECTION:
In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
REFERENCES SECTION:
Church you attend ___________________________________________________
How often you attend _______________________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________
mother? _____________
pastor? _____________
SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answersare confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C: A woman's place is in the:
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TOTHE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESEWATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
_________________________________________________________Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
_______________________________ ________________________________Mother's Signature Father's Signature
_______________________________ ________________________________Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine andnon-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please donot try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it wouldcause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will benotified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.(you might watch your back)

Well that’s all for now! I love you all. School is fun, but a lot harder this semester. Clogging is really hard, but makes me really happy! The roommates and Fred the Fish are all well.

One Love (haha)

The Co-ed